Dating and Emotional Success with Men

5 Tips for Getting Your Relationship on Track After an Affair

If you and your partner have decided to stay together after one of you has had an affair, marriage counselling can help with some of that process. The following tips can also help.

1. Seek a Skilled Marriage Therapist

To get the most of your marriage counselling, look for a therapist, psychologist or other professional who has experience with relationship infidelity in particular. Also, look for a good match — remember, you can 'fire' your therapist, and in some cases, you may need to test drive a few of them. Ideally, both you and your partner should be comfortable with counsellor you ultimately select.

2. Consider Individual Therapy

In addition to couples therapy, you may both want to consider individual therapy. That can be helpful for looking at your underlying issues and responses to the affair on an individual level.

3. Consider Why You Want to Stay Together

In the course of your relationship counselling, you may want to consider why you want to stay together. Are you committed to your relationship due to children or commitments you made? If so, what are the other reasons you want to stay together.

It may help to think about why you committed to each other in the first place, what you love about each other now, and how you have changed and grown through your relationship.

4. Focus on Both Partner's Concerns

A quality counsellor will guide you in the right direction, but as an overarching theme, you should remember to focus on both individuals.

The person who was cheated on may have symptoms similar to post-traumatic stress disorder in response to the affair. As a result, that individual may need more assurance from the other partner and may require extra time to trust again.

However, it's also important to take the other partner's feelings and experiences into account.

5. Set Intentions for Forgiveness and Togetherness

If your ultimate goal is to stay together, set positive intentions for both your counselling sessions and your relationship. To get beyond past grievances, forgiveness is essential, and that includes big as well as small things — harbouring resentment and anger is an easy way to destroy a relationship. Also, focus on the concept of togetherness and what it means to be caring and supportive partners to each other.

To get your relationship back on track after infidelity or when dealing with any other issue, contact a relationship counsellor today.